Kemi’s Gemstone Gallery — charming, quirky, and irresistibly Finnish. Truly a gem itself, the little museum sits at water’s edge, quietly but tidily displaying minerals from around the world as well as reproductions of international royal bling and the crown of the short-lived king of Finland.
As wonderful as the displays are, the best part of the visit is undoubtedly the curious guidebook, which leads you politely and slightly awkwardly around the gallery. The following is a small collection of rather cute and sometimes puzzling excerpts from the book; assume that all grammatical and spelling errors are as is from the text. As they say in Kemi…
“If you are generally interested in jewellery, royal crowns and gemstones, then you are at the right place at the right time. We really hope you will have a nice time at the gallery and enjoy yourself in the next few hours. We also hope that you will like the exhibition and think highly of our collection of gemstones.”
I most certainly did.
“You may also take some photos if you want to.”
“These Quarzcrystals (also called rock crystals) in the second case are quite big like ice-grains.”
“We have managed to get these pieces from the endless deserts of Arizona to Finland. These are about 180 million years old. Have you ever seen something like that?”
“Without any magnifying glass you can see the annual rings of an ancient tree (no doubt).”
“In the trade, the synonym ‘blood jasper’ is used when scattered red spots are present. Actually heliotrope is not jasper, even if radial structure with spherical aggregates simulates a grainy appearance.”
“The Big, Impressive Slice of Tourmaline from Madagascar in Brasilian Emerald”
“Everybody can observe and clearly see how the ultra-violet rays are gradually getting the tiny metal particles in the stones hotter and hotter until they start glowing. But please, don’t worry about that, it’s not dangerous for anybody.”
“And now open your eyes we are approaching the Finnish royal crown.”
“One day in October 1918 the convoked and bit confused Finnish parliament surprisingly decided to proclaim the Prince of Hessen, Friedrich Karl from Germany to King of Finland. Right after that many Finnish artists began to design all kind of clothes, furniture, precious articles, decorative royal items, paintings, and a crown for the newly proclaimed Finnish king. Suddenly they had all sorts of ready plans for His Majesty, but after a couple of months of ruling the country the Prince of Hessen, Friedlich Karl just as surprisingly abdicated the throne of Finland.”
“On the other side of the room you can see a successful imitation of the British crown. Perhaps you already know this crown from the London Tower, it looks familiar for most people. This is no wonder, because it’s a skilfully made imitation of the latest version of the British crown. You can’t see at first sight that this is a fake one.” (Except that it’s not in the Tower of London.)
***
At the end of the exhibit there was a series of little dioramas illustrating some of the believed properties of certain precious gems. This was also the site of some of the museum’s sketchiest English.
“JADE: The lucky stone for merchants and camblers [gamblers]. Jade comes from China and it was widely used among the merchants traveling via silkroad. It is a stone wich doesn’t break in heat and can resist ‘hot places.’
The gentleman in the middle has heard about the powers of jade and he is very sure of winning this card game.”
“GARNET: Very famous garbunkelstone. He who have garnet, wins melancholy, gets power and success in amount of so much that when in very big trouble can even reach invisibility.
Our gentleman under the bed is just about reaching this point.”
“‘Diamonds are girls best friends’ sung Marilyn Monroe once, why? According to an ancient legend, diamond – the Queen of Gems – is unconquerable which refers from its hardness (greek – adamas). The person who has diamonds has all the powers in the world. The lady here, like many other her goisters, has understood her overwhelming powers and it’s no use of trying to read “War and peace” of Tolstoi, when order has been given.”
***
“We really hope you had a good time with us and you will remember your visit in the gemstone gallery in Kemi as one of the highlights of your journey in this country. Thank you very much for coming by and we wish you a pleasant stay in Finland.”
Finding Midgard 